THE ABSURD TIMES — STILL

Our U.S. Idiotic Primaries and the Middle East

Posted in Uncategorized by @honestcharlie on February 3, 2016

THE ABSURD TIMES

Illustration: One of you just sent this to me. If there are any copyright issues, pleas contact me and I’ll obfuscate it. It coveys our sentiments exactly, however.

It has been awhile, so here is some catching up. The terrorist threat has been vanquished here at the Absurd Times. A trusted Ally helped me to negotiate with Toshiba and then Toshiba whipped Microsoft’s ass and all the files were returned, intact, although the programs (now called “apps” for some reason to idiotic to delve into here) had to be found and reinstalled, some over Microsoft’s objections.

Much of the following is based on the input of our army of correspondents from around the world, all very wise in matters of social, economic, and political importance.

Do we really want to elect a blood-thirsty young 68 year old when we have the opportunity to elect an older, wiser, 74 year old? In addition, Sander’s wife is a good ten or twenty years younger than the grandma. Her supporters squeal when she speaks, giving a sound similar to that of a flock of horribly violated chickens.

Groundhog day is a ritual in the United States. If the groundhog sees his shadow, it means 6 more weeks of winter. This year, the Iowa caucus superseded this indication six more weeks of being subjected to Ted Cruz.

Rand Paul had the only two sensible remarks during all of the Republican debates. The first was “This is like Junior High,” and the second, after Trump decided not to attend the second, thus reducing Faux News’ ratings by about half and, I assume making them return part of the advertising revenue, Paul said “This will elevate the debate by a few IQ points”. It did, but not enough so he has decided not to participate any more.

Putin has done relatively little in Eastern Ukraine lately, much to the Nazi’s relief, but this has prompted Secretary of Defense Ash Carter to propose sending more weapons to NATO. Also, he says we are running out of bombs, so would the congress be good enough to give him a couple billion to buy more?

The ZIKA virus was first discovered in 1947. Then Hillary was born.

Zika is now a sexually transmitted disease, so there will be more about this on the news, no doubt, right after the Superbowl.

Israel has been sending its Black Jews to Nigeria from Holot. Well, perhaps “Semetic” has its uses, but no point stretching things.

Michigan has finally been exposed as trying to “privatize” its water supply. The claim that they did not know something was wrong with the water in Flint seems a bit shallow as bottled water had been trucking into flint for State workers for a year and a half before the contamination was admitted.

Two sane organizations, Jews say No, and the Jewish Voice for Peace, collaborated and put out a mock edition of the New York Times. We estimate that about half the readers figured out that it was satirical. Since they were both Jewish organizations, they have a chance of not being called Anti-Semitic (although this is by no means certain).

Here is an interview on that topic:

Jewish Peace Groups Reveal Role in Spoof New York Times That Criticized Paper’s Stance on Israel

FEBRUARY 03, 2016

STORY

WATCH FULL SHOW

172

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GUESTS

JANE HIRSCHMANN

a member of Jews Say No! in New York City.

BEN NORTON

journalist at Salon who specializes in U.S. foreign policy and in the Middle East. He just published a piece titled “Progressive Jewish groups make New York Times parody issue to protest newspaper’s ‘biased Israel-Palestine coverage'”

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A Palestinian village has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Israel is throwing open its doors to refugees. Those were some of the headlines that appeared in a fake version of The New York Times distributed across New York City on Tuesday. The paper carried the slogan “All the news we didn’t print.” The prank copy of the revered “Gray Lady” also announced Democratic presidential candidate “Hilarity Clifton” planned to quit the presidential race to head up a women’s nonprofit based in Ramallah. The edition even has fake ads. Volunteers distributed 10,000 copies of the fake paper, but no group took responsibility—until now. Jane Hirschmann of Jews Say No! tells Democracy Now! her group and Jewish Voice for Peace produced the paper. We speak to Hirschmann and Ben Norton, journalist at Salon.

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