The Absurd Times Khorazan — We Knew Dat

Posted in Uncategorized by @honestcharlie on September 26, 2014


Illustration: Latuff rendering of Obama at the UN


We here at the Times were amused to see so many people in the media puzzled by the Khorazan group. We knew all about it, of course, the whole time and just didn’t want to say anything about it.

We are given to understand that it is an Al-Quaeda group led my a ruthless 33 year old who was with Bin-Laden on the day after the towers were hit, taking joy along with him. He was one of the master-minds. And if you do the arithmetic, that means he was 19 when he helped plan the operation. What were YOU doing when your were 19, hmm?

Obama spoke at the United nations about the disillusioned individuals who join these groups. How did they get illusioned in the first place?

We had been told that Al-Quaeda had been decimated, but then that only means reduced by a tenth, so they are still around and so the law or bill passed by congress during the Bush administration allows him to bomb away.

While he was speaking, John Kerry and Samatha Power were sitting next to each other behind him. It is by no means clear that she whispered “What did Monica Lewinsky have that I don’t?” into his ear, but she did whisper something.

We also know that the Yazidi people are still oppressed and the women being sold into sexual slavery. That has to stop. Why aren’t we doing anything about it?

And this has been so effective that a Frenchman was killed in Algeria and a woman was beheaded in Oklahoma. This 33 year old means business.

Meanwhile, the President of Iraq warned the reporters that a subway would be bombed in Paris or New York, but nobody else knew about it. Not even ISIS.


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