The Absurd Times We Thank the Republicans

Posted in Uncategorized by @honestcharlie on November 9, 2012


Now that they have been defeated, humiliated, and crushed, we need to take some time to thanks the Republicans and the right wing wackos for all the laughs they provided us with this past year.

I would like to thank Newt Gingrich for his promise to establish a manned moon colony within eight years if elected. Since he wasn’t elected, despite his assurances that he would be, we will not be getting that colony.

We have had assurances that they were that party of inclusion since they have given us Clarence Thomas, public hairs and all, Herman Cain and “Nine, nine, nine,” as well as Congressman King what wanted to get all the communists out of congress. A diverse group indeed.

Special thanks go to the Governor of Texas for giving us the term “Vulture Capitalism” to describe Mitt Romney. He also conducted the daylong fast-barbeque-prayer vigil to bring rain to Texas. It didn’t work, but he tried. He also promised to eliminate three departments from the Federal Government as soon as he remembered what they were called. He had the advantage of being on opiates most of the time, but still, attention must be paid! Ron Paul tried to help him, but he named five so that didn’t work. Republicans do not like arithmetic.

Mitt Romney came up with a strange solution to immigration reform – self-deportation. Anyone illegal simply deports himself. Why didn’t anyone else think of that?

Donald Trump helped by pointing out that Obama was a socialist Moslem born in Kenya as an advocacy Christian, a black Christian (are there any other kind?) Obama explained that this rivalry started while he and Donald were growing up together in Kenya.

They gave us the giant intellect of Paul Ryan and awesome photos of his bodybuilding routine. They also assured us that he was better than Sarah Palin.

We have to thank the kindred genius of Charles Krauthammer for his work on Fox.

John Bolton and his enormous intellect did wonders in the area of foreign policy, pointing out that other countries were bad.

They gave us a fence on the Mexican border and announced skeletons in the Arizona desert. Mexican terrorist skeletons.

Best of all, they gave us the wonderful speech of Clint Eastwood at the convention. It has never been done before at a convention, but there was ample precedent provided by Bob Newhart and Shelley Berman in nightclubs. People still either sit in their seats or put them away so Clint doesn’t start talking to them.

Now, we return to reality and the Obama activities having enjoyed the Three Stooges style of the Republicans.


2 Responses

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  1. Barry Wright said, on November 9, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    Public hairs eh?


    • Anonymous said, on November 9, 2012 at 2:13 pm

      My most pubic and humble apology.


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