THE ABSURD TIMES — STILL

Occupy the Mormons

Posted in Uncategorized by @honestcharlie on May 1, 2012

 

Occupy the Mormons

BROADWAY JIMMIE

Illustration:  “Broadway Jimmie”, a character from ’50s Chicago.  Far below, a reminiscence about another Chicago ’50s figure (no illustration available) called “Captain Charlie”.  (Both names are “monikers”).   “Broadway Jimmie,” come from the fact that he owned a Glass Store on Broadway Avenue in Chicago.  On the times I was there, not much business was visible.  That does not mean that no business was going on.  It is a tricky concept for some people to grasp.  I guess you had to be there.

    First, however, there is some catching up to do.  George Zimmerman, the Florida assassin or freedom fighter (depending on your bias) actually had almost $200,000 in an account at the time he claimed to be “indigent”.  His attorney said “I didn’t know that” after the facts were revealed.

    There is a big fuss over the interest rate for student loans.  The Democrats want to keep the “low,” and the Republicans say that if they are kept low, the money should come out of the health budget.  The Federal Reserve is loaning money to giant banks at almost no interest and they pay interest on savings accounts of about %0.5.  Neither party has even a clue as to another route — grants, or state sponsored higher education.  This is primarily because students have a nasty way of learning things and finding out that they are being cheated by corporations, and corporations, which own the government and press, do not like that.  It is also why the occupy movement will be violently suppressed this summer by measure that will remind people of Hitler’s Gestapo.

    I have also noticed that there are many people who are still concerned about climate change.  I am not.  First of all, these people tend to be educated and, hence, trouble makers.  Second, and most important, I am older than mere students and the prime demographic.  Since climate change is now irreversible, and I will die before most of them, I really could not care a bit.  What about my children and grandchildren?  Beats me.

    I am also wondering how the issue concerning Hafix Saeed, a supposed “Islamist Militant,” was handled.  Apparently, the United States offered Ten Million dollars for his capture.  A day later, he announced at a Press Conference in Rawalpindi, Pakistan, that “I am here. I am visible” and claimed the Ten Million Dollars.  Nowhere have I seen any coverage of when and where it was paid or if it was paid.  I am unaware of any response from our State Department so ably run by Hillary Clinton,  a job she finds less demanding that running her husband, Bill Clinton.

   Ok.  A big issue in the Republican Primaries was Mitt Romney’s religion.  He is a Mormon.

     One quote we saw uttered during the primaries by that spiritually handicapped population called the “Republican Base,” was that “Mormonism ain’t no religion.  It’s a sect!”  Apparently, down south anything that isn’t fundamentalist is not religion, which raises the question as to why they doubt that Al-Quaeda is a religious force.

    So, I remember I had asked another 50s Chicago figure, “Captain Charlie”, about the role of religion in politics.  His “moniker” came from the fact that he began his actual work (as opposed to the work he was paid for) as a Precinct (sp) Captain in Chicago.  (Again, a concept somewhat difficult for non-Chicagoans to grasp).  

    Charlie replied “If dey wanna be in politics, den dey kin pay der taxes, just like all of us.”

    So I asked, “So, you believe in separation of church as State?”

    “Wat de Hell dya tink I wuz sayin?  Wake up, kid.  Waddya, some, pardon the expression, Republican?”

    “No, sorry.”

    “”K”

    I was still intrigued, however, and asked why he eventually stopped working with HIZZONER (eg., the Mayor).

    “Well, after awhile, he started to believe what he was saying.  Can you imagine dat?”
   
    I could imagine;  in fact, I said so.  I remember our three-story apartment building on Damon Avenue, overlooking Winnemac Park, with ahuge banner reading DALEY across it.  This was a move to get rid of a previous mayor called Kenneley who was elected as a ‘reform’ candidate and who violated all precepts of Chicago politics and actually began to reform things.  Daley was elected to reform that, ASAP! 

    “Well, no way I was going to be a part a dat!” 

    Things then moved towards a discussion of being disturbed by proselytizers, those people who knock on your door and ask you if you have accepted Jesus, and so on.  I usually got rid of the ones offering me a chance to be born again with “And go through puberty again?  Hell no!  Get outta here.”  I’d never see them again.

    Others required a more aggressive approach.  This consisted in raving at them, grabbing their bibles and tossing them into the street.

    Another group was routed by proclaiming that “I am a Moslem and I’m supposed to eat a Christian every week.  Where is the church?”  They would never come back, and they never did give the location.

     Captain Charlie told of another situation.  This was after he retired and moved to Florida.  He had also quit drinking beer as his doctor told him a case a day was too much, so he switched to Canadian whiskey, mainly.  “They would knock on the door early in the morning and I’d tell ’em not to come anymore and that was that, except for the Mormons.”

    This was intriguing.  I asked him to elaborate, and this was his reconstruction of the exchanges:

        “Well, they would still come and sometimes I’d really have a headache.  You know, I’m not as young as I used to be …”

    “Really?” I foolishly interrupted.

        “Ya gonna listen?  Ok.  So, I tell  ’em over and over, please do not come back.  Ever.  Now this gets irritating soon enough, so I try something else.  I say, and I get back to the the accent, “ok, youse guys got sometin’ dem odder religions ‘roun here don’t, so’s I might give it a try.”

        ‘Oh really, sir, and what is that?”

        ‘Dat’s dat dere pologany stuff.  So, next time, ya’s bring over ’bout six or seven women, an’ I’l pick out tree or four, an if dey look good, and dey put out, I’ll trow in wid yas.  Howzzat?”

        ‘Oh, sir, we don’t do that anymore.”

        ‘Den what da hell youse good for?  Get oudda here.’

        And I never saw them again.”

    I congratulated him on the achievement once my laughter had died down and I could put together a coherent sentence.  I finally said, “Ok, you win,” and started laughing again.

    He was laughing too.  In fact, he said “I ain’t laughed this much since one of the younger guys in the Corner bar off Higgins Ave. gave me some marajuana.  I took it home and went in the other room while your mother slept and just started giggling.  It was strange, but I couldn’t stop laughing.”

     I assured him that such was a common reaction, and then we drifted off towards other topics.

    At any rate, that is about all I can tell you about Mormons, except that I think they are the group that thinks Jesus will return, this time landing in St. Joseph, Missouri.  Why not?  I could think of better places to land, but home is where you make it, I suppose.

    I am reminded, however, that I did recently hear about the Mormons doing post mortum baptisms.   They did it with Elvis Presley and I am unaware of any complaints from the family.  They have done it with holocaust victims, but promised to stop, but are rumored to have continued anyway.  Maybe there are sects within Mormonism?   I really can not tell you.  Religions can be very strange creatures.  If they want to perform the ceremony on me, they can go ahead as I will have no consciousness at that time and, therefore, could not care less.  It might even give them something to do.  Sell tickets, bring popcorn, maybe hire a brass band, preferably dixieland jazz.

    Finally, this is international Labor day, with demonstrations all over the world.  Our own corporations, however, have managed to remove it from the U.S. calendar.  Not good for business.  

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